11. Memory

I closed my eyes and sighed quietly, leaning against the cool wall of the hotel; I was sitting out on balcony, just enjoying the feel of the sun on my skin. Louis was lounging in the chair by the table, smoking a cigarette and looking through a crossword puzzle book; I glanced up at him, but immediately looked away when our eyes met.

"Something on your mind, Sirius?"

I don't answer right away; even though I'm used to him and the hunters that my brother has been traveling with, I still don't particularly trust them. I'm used to hunters being a threat to me and being hurt by demons so, even if my brother says that they won't hurt me and that I can trust them, I'm not going to for awhile.

"Just thinking," I mumbled, looking across the courtyard to the balcony on the other side. "About Hell…"

He nodded and set his cigarette in the ashtray. "Anything particular about it on your mind?"

"Everything," I answered, trembling slightly. "I remember everything, every tiny detail. I…want to forget, forget the torture and pain…but I can't…"

"Hell tends to stick with a person," he responded calmly, though I caught the momentary frown that flitted across his face before he answered. He reached down and gently touched my hair, petting me in a effort to comfort me; though I originally flinched at the touch, I did relax into it.

I yelped slightly when I was shoved into the kennel and landed on my face; the demon who had thrown me in there had made sure to be extra rough with my already injured body. I whined in pain and curled up, trying my best not to irritate my wounds; I jumped slightly when my brother walked over and gently touched my shoulder.

"It hurts," I whimpered as I pulled myself into his arms, wanting what little protection and comfort they could provide. He gently shushed me and held me close, whispering that it would be okay, though I know he didn't believe that any more than I did; of course, even though I didn't believe it, I still took comfort from hearing it.

"I'm sorry, Siri," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. It's my fault that he hurt you…"

I flinch slightly when his hand brushes against one of the whip marks that decorate my back, but gradually relax again. "It's not your fault. He would have just found some other reason to hurt me…"

"He punished you because I failed to track down that soul earlier," he whispered, nuzzling me. "I won't let that happen again. I promise. He won't hurt you because of me again."

Even though I know there's no way he can keep that promise, I still nod my head and curl up beside him, foolishly believing that if anyone could find a way to keep that promise, it would be him.

I shook my head, chasing away the memory of the last time I saw my brother and shaking Louis' hand off my head; I climbed to my feet and walked back in the hotel room. I wanted to make sure that Caleb was still in the room, still curled up under the covers with Magnus; I wanted to make sure he hadn't left me alone again.